Something of Paradise
The war had ended with the victory of the good guys. Severus's role as a spy had been crucial to this happy denouement. Nonetheless, Severus had been sentenced to five years in Azkaban for Dumbledore's "murder".
It was one of the ironies of war.
Severus had submitted to the Wizengamot's decision without complaints, because he considered himself guilty. But he couldn't help feeling empty and dismayed at the pointlessness of his confinement, since only death could free him from his guilt.
He let himself be led into the dark and cold cell, and lay down on the hard mattress with no hopes or expectations.
The next day, however, he was surprised when the jailer escorted him to Lucius Malfoy's cell - which was much bigger and more comfortable than his, and contained a double bed, a table, a few chairs, and a lot of chests.
Severus didn't have to be a genius to realise that that luxury had been obtained by threats and bribery, and that Lucius must be very influential in Azkaban. Knowing Lucius as he did, Severus braced himself for what would probably be his last war: Severus was determined not to become Lucius Malfoy's slave.
Lucius's voice was rich with emotion, though. Severus wasn't prepared for that. Neither was he prepared for the warm embrace from the man who had once been his protector and lover, and who had later abandoned him in hell. Severus returned the embrace with certain hesitancy.
"You saved Draco's life. I will be forever in your debt."
Ah, so that was the reason. But Severus hadn't done it for Lucius, or had he? Severus himself couldn't tell. There had been so many factors involved! Draco himself - a spoiled child, but for whom Severus felt responsible; Narcissa, who had moved him with her maternal concern and despair; Dumbledore, his mentor, who... But Severus didn't want to think about that.
Perhaps he had done it for Lucius too, but Severus's feelings for Lucius had always been too complicated.
Lucius squeezed Severus's shoulders. "I was told you betrayed the Dark Lord. You will not hear any rebukes from me. You know that, although I shared his ideals in the beginning, our ways had long since diverged. I only kept up the appearance of loyalty to him in order to protect my family."
Who would be able to tell how much truth there was in those words? The chameleonic Lucius was so slippery that he could deceive his own self.
"You are surrounded by luxury here..."
"Luxury is good, but it doesn't bring happiness."
"Don't you believe in happiness, Severus?"
"Your platitudes don't move me. Especially considering where we are."
"Oh, don't be cynical. Come on, let's have dinner. I have managed to purchase a good elf wine."
"Stop this farce and tell me what you want from me."
"Why, Severus, aren't we good friends?" Lucius sounded genuinely offended.
"We both are Slytherins. You don't fool me."
"Stop being paranoid! What do you think I want from you?"
"The same thing you always did."
"Was it so bad?" asked Lucius.
"To be your sexual slave? To be humiliated by you every night you condescended to allow me in your bed?"
Lucius looked shocked by Severus's accusations, and blinked. "You used to like it."
"I loved you," said Severus, almost in a growl. "I was
twelve when I fell in love with you."
"Don't twist the facts. From then on, we spent every holiday together."
"You have always come to me on your own free will."
"It's no use discussing this now. It's over. I'm going back to my cell."
"Severus, don't go. Please."
Lucius begging him? That was a new one.
"I will not be your slave any more," stated Severus, with more confidence than he felt.
"You have never been my slave."
"You humiliated me. You used to call me mudblood, even knowing I was a half-blood. You used to say I was disgusting. You used to say I was so ugly that..."
Lucius interrupted him and stepped dangerously close. "Do you believe I would accept you in my bed if I were not attracted to you?"
"Parodying your own words: when you are young, you are desperate
for a shag."
"If that's what you want, I'm sorry. You know very well that conversation was never my forte."
Lucius smiled and his face lit up. A bit of the spark of youth came back to his eyes, and only then Severus noticed how Lucius had aged. "That's exactly what I'm talking about: even a simple, self-deprecating comment like that is something I haven't heard for a long time. You don't know how I miss your intelligence, your sarcasm..."
Severus smirked. "Oh, please, spare me. Do not get all sentimental on me. If you declare your undying love for me, I..."
Severus didn't finish the sentence, and Lucius smiled again.
"What would you do?" asked Lucius, brushing his fingertips on Severus's face.
Severus clutched him violently by his robes. He didn't have anything else to lose. He could indulge his impulses. Lucius Malfoy didn't have any power over him; Severus was above all that. If Lucius wanted to have him, it would have to be Severus's way. "You loved to humiliate me, Lucius. Don't deny it."
Severus backed him up against a wall. He saw a spark of fear in Lucius's eyes. Severus's hands shook for a while and, desperately trying to regain control, he crushed his lips to Lucius's, grinding him against the wall. Severus bit Lucius's shoulder and mercilessly forced a knee between his thighs.
"Sev... Severus... Oh... Please..." Lucius groaned in pain, or perhaps in pleasure, or both. Severus couldn't tell if Lucius was asking him to stop or to go on. I don't care, Severus said to himself. He grabbed Lucius by the wrist and threw him on the bed. Then he pinned Lucius down with the weight of his body. When Lucius spread his legs and wrapped them around Severus's hips, a shudder ran through Severus's body. Severus dug his nails into Lucius's shoulders and pushed away from him.
"Have you got lubricant or do your slaves like it rough?"
Lucius frowned. "You're insulting me."
Lucius sat up and reached out to open a chest beside the bed and produce a phial from it. When he turned back to Severus, instead of handing him the lubricant phial, he approached his lips to Severus's and kissed him. Lucius teased him, brushing his silky lips on Severus's and mapping his body with tender, seductive strokes. Severus started to melt under his caresses.
But that wasn't what he wanted. He had to regain control. Severus pushed Lucius against the mattress and tore off his robes.
Lucius was still exquisite, his velvet, pale skin begging to be touched.
For a moment, Severus forgot his purposes and feasted on a rosy nipple
that hardened at the first flick of his tongue.
"You want to drive me crazy," Lucius hissed, taking off his underpants and freeing his swollen and erect cock.
Severus averted his eyes to avoid temptation, and stared deep inside Lucius's eyes. "Tell me I'm filthy and stink. Tell me my hair is grimy and my cock is hideous."
Lucius reached out and stroked Severus's hair. "It's not completely untrue," said Lucius, smirking. Then he became graver. "What is it that you want, Severus? What kind of torture is this? I don't mind, as long as you finish what you started... I want to have your hideous cock up my lovely arse."
Severus took off his own clothes, knelt between Lucius's legs, propped Lucius's ankles on his shoulders and held his thighs.
The sensation of Lucius's nude skin against his was almost too much to bear. Severus smeared some lube on his fingers, and then slowly spread it on his cock. Lucius was gazing at him in expectancy, eyes glazed in lust. Two not very gentle fingers penetrated Lucius, who squirmed a bit, grimacing in discomfort or perhaps pain.
Severus gripped his thighs firmly and started to fuck Lucius with his fingers. As soon as he felt Lucius relaxing, Severus replaced his fingers for his cock. Closing his eyes, Severus thrust in and plunged in Lucius's tight warmth. Lucius arched up towards him. Oh, fuck. The bastard knew how to make him see stars! Digging his nails into Lucius's thighs, Severus thrust deeper. Lucius responded by thrusting back. Their moans and the slap of flesh on flesh filled Severus's ears and he bucked his hips in a frantic rhythm.
"Harder," said Lucius in a hoarse voice that sent Severus over the edge of what little sanity he still possessed. His fingers curled around Lucius's cock as if by their own will, and he pumped it as he thrust harder and faster and deeper. Suddenly Severus changed his angle just a bit and Lucius cried in pleasure, "Oh! Yes... Again, please..."
And Severus complied, almost folding Lucius's body in half, pounding into him and rubbing against the sensitive spot that would make Lucius cry out. It was amazing to have Lucius under him, to see Lucius writhe in pleasure. Severus was almost there when Lucius's body arched and his seed spurted into Severus's hand. Relentlessly, Severus thrust to the root once again and was taken over by an orgasm like he hadn't experienced in years.
When Severus came back to reality, he realised he had collapsed over Lucius, who could hardly breathe under his weight. He raised himself up on his hands and looked at Lucius, who lay totally exposed beneath him. A word would be enough... He could take revenge for all the humiliation he had suffered on Lucius's hands.
But Lucius wiped the semen away with the top sheet, languidly rested his head on a pillow and stretched his arms to Severus. An overwhelming sadness overcame Severus. Defeated, he let himself fall beside Lucius.
Lucius looked at him. "Severus?"
"What is it? Do you want to call your other slaves and expose me to ridicule, introducing me as your frog? I don't care."
"What's your problem? That was the best shag I had in years."
Severus's heart beat faster, but he didn't want to nurture false hopes. He kept silent.
"I know the next time won't be as thrilling as this one, because I won't be taken by surprise, but I don't care," said Lucius, almost purring. "I know you're creative enough to think of new ways to entertain me."
Severus felt very afraid: he was starting to believe it was real. "If you are serious, you will kneel before me and swear you will never have another man in your bed. You will swear you will be mine, and just mine, forever."
Lucius closed his eyes and breathed deeply, as if trying to absorb Severus's words. "So possessive, so jealous..." Lucius took Severus's hand and guided it to his cock. "Can you feel how much you turn me on?"
Severus held Lucius's half-erect cock in his hand as if it were something very precious.
When Lucius opened his eyes, Severus stared at him intently, using the only magic power that he could access without his wand. What he saw in Lucius's mind brought tears to his eyes. Lucius wasn't lying. Lucius, who was brighter than the most brilliant star in the sky; Lucius, who had been his first and only love, wanted to be with him.
Lucius's eyes were also misty, and shining. "I had to get married, Severus. I'm a Malfoy. I had to guarantee the survival of my lineage."
Severus removed his hands from Lucius. "And you couldn't take your frog with you."
"Stop this frog nonsense. Even if you were a real prince we wouldn't have been able to stay together."
"Rubbish. It didn't stop you from having a lover on every corner, even after your marriage."
"Exactly! Can't you see the difference? Disposable lovers. None of them ever gave me what you did, Severus."
"No wonder!" Severus snapped bitterly. "You trained me since I was twelve to do everything to please you."
"Do you think I couldn't train other lovers to do the same?"
Severus lowered his eyes and didn't reply. He was feeling as vulnerable around Lucius as when he was a teen.
Lucius gently touched Severus's chin and lifted his face up. "None of them were you, Severus. That was the difference that I, stupid as I am, could only understand here in Azkaban, when there was nothing to do besides think of all the mistakes in my life."
Severus's hands shook; he rested one of them on Lucius's chest. Lucius held it between his and planted a kiss on its back. "Do you want to have dinner now? Or would you rather have a bath first? I can have my slaves prepare a bath just for us, with musk and sandalwood oils, as you used to like..."
Severus mentally summed up his situation: 'Severus is thrown in Azkaban. There, between glasses of elf wine and aromatic baths, he shags the lover of his dreams.' He shook his head. That summary couldn't possibly be real.
"Luxury is good, but it doesn't bring happiness?" Severus asked mockingly.
Lucius shook his head. "Wrong. That's not the moral of the story."
"Which is it, then? 'You don't know what you have until you lose it?'"
"That's a good one, but... wrong again."
"I give up." Severus played with a strand of his lover's long blond hair. "Tell me, Mr Platitude."
Lucius nibbled Severus's earlobe and whispered in his ear, "For each of us, something of Paradise is left."
Severus smirked, but held Lucius tight: he would be a fool not to seize his share.
Ptyx, December 2005