Not So Bad
Harry Potter was madly, blindly, stupidly in love with Severus Snape.
In his seventh year, in the war against Voldemort and his minions, Harry had finally realised that Snape was his ally, and a trustworthy one.
In the final battle, all Harry's friends had had an important role, but Snape had been fundamental. It was he who, in the most crucial moment, had cast upon Voldemort a spell to deflect the Avada Kedavra directed at Harry. Then Harry, focusing in one spell the energy of all his friends, had defeated Voldemort once and for all.
The days that followed Voldemort's death had been upsetting to Harry. Suddenly, he felt paralysed. He didn't know how to face a future where there were no threats at all, and the pressure of his fame was more and more intense.
The fact that, finally, he had found out that he felt more attracted to members of his own sex didn't help him at all. He had had many relationships, but the burden of fame ended up influencing and destroying everything that he had tried to build. It wasn't easy for his partners to live with the aura of power and idolatry that surrounded the Golden Boy.
Meanwhile, a friendly relationship had been established between Harry and Snape. Snape had never been one of his fans, and exactly for this reason Harry felt comfortable with him. After the mutual hate had given way to respect, Harry had started to feel good in the company of the Potions Master. Snape was one of the few people that saw him as he really was.
Harry spent a good part of his spare time in the dungeons, helping Snape with his potions. As Snape hated small talk, they usually sat there for long moments in silence. However, sometimes they could keep talking for hours.
And that's how Snape came to know of intimate details about Harry that no one else knew.
One night, when Harry had been dumped by his latest boyfriend and had come back drunk from Hogsmeade, Snape let him sleep in his dungeons.
And now, at the end of his seventh term, Harry would leave Hogwarts. He couldn't stand the idea of not being near Snape any more. Many times he had tried to seduce the Potions master, but Snape pretended not to see. A week before the end of the term, after his NEWT exams, Harry knew that then would be his last chance: he decided to go to the dungeons and talk to that stubborn, impossible git.
Snape invited him to sit on the sofa in the sitting room of his private quarters. "So, is there anything that you want to talk with me specifically?"
"Er... Severus, is there anyone in your life?"
"Do you mean... romantically?"
"What a stupid question. Because."
It didn't seem to be working. "Severus, I... like you."
Snape widened his eyes, and paled. "You... Do you mean... We have developed a not so unbearable friendly relationship, if that's what you are referring to."
"No. I mean, I like you, but not only as a friend."
"Ah. Is this one of your pranks?"
"Of course not! I'm dead serious. I want you... er... to give me a go."
"But... I am not a homosexual."
"Well, I've never seen you with a woman."
"I don't have relationships with women either. My sexual life is absolutely null."
"But... how do you manage to..."
"Potter! Mind your own business!"
Feeling terrible, Harry dropped his head. Apparently realising that the boy was being serious, Snape approached him and sat by his side. He touched Harry's shoulder. The boy lifted his head and flung himself in Snape's arms. At first, Snape retreated, but soon relaxed and wrapped his arms around the boy's chest.
"Harry, I had bad sexual experiences in my teen years, and since then I've been keeping this door of my life closed. I don't like sex. I find sex a messy and embarrassing sport. Even filthy, disgusting. Too intimate, if you know what I mean."
"But Severus, you're hugging me right now. Is it disgusting to you?"
"N-no," Snape stammered.
Unable to hold himself up, Harry leaned in closer, but the older wizard turned his face away.
"Harry, don't. It's hopeless."
And Snape stood up. Feeling rejected, Harry left Snape's quarters.
~* ~* ~
One week had passed since the end of the term. Snape had decided to remain in Hogwarts, researching - Potions research had always been his favourite activity, one to which he could never devote himself before, for all his spare time had been devoted to spying for Dumbledore and help the Order.
But there was something wrong. Things were not working as he had thought they should. A cloud of depression hung over his soul.
He wondered what was happening to him, and Harry's image came to his mind. Harry and his shy manners; Harry and his smile; Harry and his sparkling green eyes.
He tried to erase that image from his mind, but it was useless. The truth was that he missed the boy so much that he was getting ill, and he couldn't stand the idea of never seeing him again.
~* ~* ~
He had added the porcupine quills too late to the boil cure potion, and ruined it completely. He had never made such a basic mistake. Once again, he had been distracted, thinking of the boy. It was getting ludicrous.
Someone knocked on the door. Growling between clenched teeth, the Potions master opened it.
He wasn't prepared to see what was before him: Harry Potter, in Muggle clothing (indigo jeans and white t-shirt), brightening up the dungeons with his smile. Something seemed to melt inside of Snape.
And suddenly they were in each other's arms. Harry, a little shorter than Snape, fit his head in the space between Snape's neck and shoulder.
"Severus, I missed you so much, I had to see you!"
Snape pulled him inside and closed the door. Harry hugged him again as if he would never let him go. Snape stroked his unruly hair.
"You have to give me a go, Severus."
Snape's heart began to beat faster. Now he knew that he wanted Harry near him; on the other hand, he didn't want anything related to sex. That was an unsolvable problem, because he also knew that Harry would never resign himself to only be his friend. "All right," he grumbled. "If you want to have sex, I think I... can stand it. After all, I survived Cruciatus many times. It can't be worse," he tried to joke.
Harry pulled back and stared at him, incredulous. "Er..."
"How do you want to do it? Do you want me to lean against the desk?"
Harry shook his head. "N-no. I want to look into your eyes, I want to see what you're feeling. Can we go to your bed?"
"As you wish. But I'm warning you, I don't have any experience in these matters, and I'm sure I'm going to be a dreadful partner."
"It's okay, Severus, the first time is always messy," said Harry, tremulous, but full of hope.
~* ~* ~
Snape's bedroom was all in austere Victorian style, but with a big, comfortable bed.
Let's get this over with, thought Snape, taking off his robe. Harry gazed at him, seeming confused and embarrassed.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" asked Snape, now just in his boxers.
Harry devoured the older wizard's body with his eyes, making him blush. "You're... gorgeous."
Snape snorted and, wanting to put an end to that awkward situation, took off his boxers, revealing his inert, limp cock.
"You don't need to lie to me, Harry."
With cloudy eyes, Harry shook his head. "You don't know a thing, you don't believe me. But I'll make you believe," he said, in a determined tone, and started to take off his jeans.
Snape sat on the bed, tense. Seeing Harry stark naked, his cock erect, he got even tenser. "What do you want me to do?"
"Stay calm. Wait a minute."
Harry took off his glasses, and placed them on the bedside table. He knelt on the bed and, approaching Snape, embraced him, and tried to kiss him. Snape retreated.
"Let's skip the preliminaries, shall we? Let's get straight to the point."
"But Severus, I don't want to rape you, I want to make love to you!"
Snape shrugged. "To me, the faster the better. I don't like kisses, they are too... moist. Disgusting."
Harry gave a nervous laugh. "You have to let me prepare you, at least. I've brought lube..."
"Always the optimist," said Snape, smirking. "Let me see this product."
Harry sighed and reached for his jeans, taking the tube out of its pocket. Snape grabbed it in his hands, unstopped it and smelt the product.
"Not too bad, for a Muggle product."
"Next time you can prepare a lube potion, if you want to."
"If there is a next time," said Snape, crossly.
Harry pretended not to have heard. "Lie down, please. Yes, like that, Sev. Can you spread your legs a bit more?"
Snape obeyed. Harry smeared lube on his fingers and massaged Snape's entrance delicately. The older wizard responded to the touch squirming a little. When he relaxed, Harry slid a finger inside, slowly. Snape found it painful and extremely unpleasant.
"You don't need to do that. I would rather..."
"Severus, stay quiet and relax."
Hmpf, easier said than done, thought Snape. He tried to block his pain, as he used to do when he needed to stand the Dark Lord's tortures. When Harry slid a second finger inside, things got still worse.
And when, finally, Harry's cock penetrated him, he felt as though something was ripping him apart inside. Only he didn't moan in pain because of his many years of training with the Death Eaters.
Gradually, he got used to the pain and could look at Harry, his movements, his expression. Harry was all focus, all emotion. The boy's pace was becoming frantic, and he panted wildly.
Then the boy's body tensed, and violent spasms passed through him.
"Sev..." he said, climaxing, filling Snape with his hot seed and tumbling on top of his lover's body.
That hot and sticky fluid was repugnant, but it also attenuated Snape's pain. And the boy in his arms seemed in Heaven. Snape wrapped his arms around him and smoothed his more-unruly-than-ever hair.
It wasn't so bad, if Harry felt so much pleasure. It hurt, and it was unpleasant, but... perhaps it was worthwhile. Snape's heart beat unevenly. He couldn't understand his own emotions.
Harry lifted his head and smiled. Something flared up inside of Snape. Then Harry cupped his half-erect cock.
"Now it's your turn, Sev."
Snape was going to protest, saying that it wasn't necessary, but he was surprised to find himself totally erect and throbbing into Harry's hand. And when Harry lowered his head and took him into his mouth, he moaned... in pleasure.
"Oh... Don't, Harry. Don't do that. It's disgusting. It's not hygienic!"
Harry didn't pay attention. He licked Snape's cock all over, and then devoted himself especially to its head. He held its base with one of his hands, and started to suck rhythmically. Snape couldn't hold himself back any more: he arched his hips against Harry's mouth, and groaned.
"Harry, stop. I'm going to... Oh!"
Climax took him by surprise. He had never felt a pleasure so intense. But pleasure mixed up with shame: he had lost control, and had almost choked Harry.
"I'm sorry. I lost control," Snape said, as soon as he could breathe again.
But Harry lay down on top of him and kissed him, his lips still coated with Snape's semen. It wasn't so bad. In fact, it was quite bearable.
"Severus... With time, it will get better, I promise you."
Exhausted, Harry fell asleep in his arms. Snape kept toying with the boy's hair for a long time.
Not bad at all. He would survive. If Harry wanted... oh, yes, if Harry wanted to keep him, Snape wouldn't complain.
Sequel: Getting Better
Ptyx, August 2004