As he was a light sleeper and wasn't used to sharing his bed with anyone, Severus woke up several times during the night. Each time he would startle and marvel to realise that it wasn't a dream, that that bittersweet scent was really coming from the boy's sweat-damp skin. That Harry was really beside him. Each time, Severus would wrap his arm around Harry to be sure the boy would be there the next time Severus woke up.
Could he trust him? Harry had said he loved him. But he was only seventeen. Severus knew very well how volatile emotions are at that age. He had seen how Harry's feelings for him had changed drastically in a few weeks. Perhaps during that month when they had been apart Harry had realised the mistake he was making. Or perhaps it had been the imminence of Severus's death.
Seeing death face to face had changed Severus too. If it hadn't been for that moment when he thought his life had come to an end, he wouldn't have accepted Harry in his bed again.
It wouldn't last. But Severus had never thought it would. After all, hadn't it been sheer lust that had united them? How ironic. As far as he was concerned, it was hard to say. The truth was that his feelings for that boy had always been intense and inexplicable. And when Harry had started to look at him with lustful eyes, it had been as if the floodgates of a dam had been opened suddenly, and Severus had been dragged along by feelings still inexplicable and more and more intense.
From then on, the more Harry rejected him, the more Severus wanted to conquer him, to prove to him that sex could be more than "just sex". That had become an obsession for him.
There was a moment, however, when the humiliation had been too much, and Severus had had to kick the boy away. It was that or the complete destruction of his self-respect.
As soon as the door had closed behind the boy, Severus had found himself in a world even darker than before. He had tried to focus on his routine, but depression had taken its toll on him. He had become distracted - a fatal behaviour for a spy. That was when the Dark Lord had sensed something in his mind and realised he was being betrayed. When Severus had found himself at the Dark Lord's mercy, he knew he wouldn't escape from there alive, and Harry's image had come to his mind. In order to protect the boy once again, Severus had closed his mind.
Against all his expectations, Severus had awakened to find Harry beside his hospital bed declaring his undying love. Severus knew it was an illusion. But that that boy in particular would choose him as the target of his illusions, ah, that made Severus's heart skip a beat.
Severus felt like as if he had been given another chance, and the last thing he wanted to do was to waste it. He wanted Harry, and he was going to fight for him.
The previous night had surpassed all his expectations. During all those weeks when they had had sex, "just sex", Severus had longed to show Harry that it could be different. However, Severus himself had never experienced anything like the previous night. He had had lovers; a few of them had even pleased him. But not with Harry's enthusiasm, responsiveness and affection. Severus had finally realised he had never experienced what he was trying to show Harry, and only with Harry he had been able to feel it.
Harry stirred in his arms and opened his eyes, staring at Severus in astonishment. Then he smiled, and his arms wrapped around Severus. "Severus... I'm hard again."
Severus buried his nose in the boy's neck and started to nibble on his earlobe. He was hard too. He knew Harry's body well, the way it responded to his, but now it was different. Severus's lips traced random patterns along Harry's neck. Harry moaned and tipped his head back. Severus worked his way down Harry's body, feeling slender muscles go tense. Severus licked one of Harry's nipples before taking it into his mouth, sucking and grazing his teeth over it while teasing the other nipple with his fingers. Each rib, each stretch of skin received a kiss. Severus's eyes closed as he laid a trail of reverent kisses from Harry's navel to his pubic hair. He lifted up his head and saw a blush rise in Harry's face.
Fumbling on his bedside table, Severus grabbed the phial of lube he had prepared a few months ago especially for Harry. The thought that Harry had never truly made love before made his heart yearn for him. He prepared Harry with his fingers, slowly and gently, then settled himself between Harry's legs. He watched Harry close his eyes and inhale deeply when he entered him in one smooth movement.
For the first time, they made love face-to-face. Severus stayed motionless inside Harry, his cock swollen and throbbing, until Harry took the initiative to move. Only then did Severus thrust, starting to set a pace. Harry responded by thrusting against Severus with the same passion that animated Severus when he plunged inside Harry. Their bodies joined and parted, ardently, in a dance of seduction and claiming. While giving and taking pleasure, a part of Severus's mind seemed to watch their lovemaking in amazement. Harry moaned, enraptured, breathing heavily, his body covered in sweat. Harry was so beautiful, so full of life, and he was giving himself so completely. Severus was now totally nestled in his warmth, and it was heaven. He laced his fingers with Harry's, eagerly seeking even more contact with Harry's body. Harry was writhing and arching beneath him.
Severus would have liked to believe their lovemaking was going to last for long, unending minutes, but both were too aroused for that. With time, maybe they would learn to lengthen those moments, to control themselves, but now that they were finally knowing each other intimately that would be almost impossible.
"Oh gods, Severus," Harry whispered, his voice husky and thick. "Please."
Severus leant forward and let their bellies slide against each other. When Severus felt Harry shuddering, his own cock pulsated. Severus wanted to fill Harry completely, wanted to come together with him. He continued to thrust, holding Harry's hand fiercely, as if wanting to stay anchored to him. Harry called out his name and arched up towards him, and a spasm ran through Severus's body. As climax took over him, Severus pulled Harry's body against his, wanting to take him along.
When the spasms subsided, Severus touched Harry's face with shaking fingers, as if to confirm he wasn't an illusion.
Severus rolled off Harry and lay beside him, a possessive arm wrapped around Harry's waist. "You must go. If you want to take a bath first..."
"No, it's late," said Harry. "A cleaning charm will have to do. I'm going to take a bath when I arrive at the Gryffindor Tower. And you... you must rest."
Severus smirked. "Of course. The Headmaster ordered me to, and I always obey his orders." Then Severus fixed his eyes on Harry's. "Tonight..."
"I'll come. Don't worry."
"Don't promise me anything. You don't know what may happen. You must be careful."
"I'll be careful, Severus, and I'll come. I'll always be here for you."
Always. Severus pulled the hopeless Gryffindor for another passionate kiss. Illusion or not, that boy would be his ruin, because Severus didn't have any defence against him.
Ptyx, March 2005