Anywhere Out of the World
I penetrate your mind easily; you don't offer me any resistance. It should upset me; I should order you to redouble your efforts, but I do nothing. I feel comfortable here. I don't even try to see the images... I think I have distracted myself, feeling the layers dissolving around me in waves that blend with my own. Are they thoughts, those waves? Through them I can feel your magic, intense, different from mine. What am I doing?
"Potter! You shouldn't let me get in that deep!"
You seem befuddled, stunned. Lost. Your eyes gradually gain focus, concentrating on my face. "That was odd. It felt... good."
I feel blood rush to my face. That shouldn't be happening. I'm losing control. "You have to deter my invasion, Potter. That's why we are here, having these lessons."
"But... you did something different. I mean, instead of just... pushing into my mind, you gave me a piece of yours, didn't you? You blended your mind with mine."
As infuriating as it is, you are right. I will never admit it, though. It's upsetting enough that I should have lost control. To let you know that I did, would be humiliation. "This only happened because you didn't offer me any resistance."
You shake your head, incredulous. The urge to punch you is almost too much to resist. How dare you contradict me?
"Legilimens!" you shout.
Damn. I wasn't prepared. My mind is sufficiently trained to quickly recover control and block you, but your invasion is smooth and... sweet. It was never like this with Albus. You walk through my mind with the lightness of a feather. Instead of feeling violated, I feel complete. You come near and touch me, resting your palms on my chest, and then wrap your arms around my waist. I envelop you with my arms and pull you against my body. My mind focuses only on the sensations, nothing else. You seem to surrender, to blend your thoughts with mine completely. I can't distinguish between your sensations and mine any more.
A noise disturbs our peace. It is only the wind outside; a tempest is coming. You pull away and break the mental connection. I can barely hold myself up. The image is ludicrous, I know, but I feel as if I had been expelled from Heaven. How ironic. I didn't have any right to be there, in Heaven. I should have known that.
"Wow," you say. "That was... amazing."
'Amazing' doesn't come anywhere near to describing the feeling. I don't know how to describe it, nor should I try to do so. I pull you against my body again and crush my lips to yours. It's not a tender kiss, but you grab me fiercely and moan. Your heat spreads through my body. Our tongues meet in a seducing rhythm. I want to suck you intensely, as if I were a Dementor, or more than that. I want to suck not only your soul, not only your thoughts; I want all of you.
~* ~* ~
I remember the first time I felt pleasure in killing. I was an eight, nine-year old child. A raven flew in through the open window of my bedroom. At first I was afraid. Then I became angry. Stupid bird. How could it be so foolish? Didn't it realise this place was dangerous? It landed on my desk, and I became furious. I seized it in my hands and broke one of its wings. The raven squeaked and thrashed. I began to strangle it, and its convulsions made my heart beat quicker. The persistence of its life irritated me. I smashed it against the hard stone of my bedroom walls, and delighted with the vision of its fresh blood flowing over my hand. The last throb of its heart filled me with a wild, tumultuous voluptuousness.
You seem as imprudent as that raven, and arouse in me the same fury.
Since Albus agreed to shelter me here, I have had to learn to contain my murderous impulses. I transmuted them into irony and sarcasm. But you arouse in me instincts too strong to be contained this way. I never know what to do with you. Your presence affects me physically.
I'm not allowed to break your wings, wring your neck or smash your head against the stones. Neither can I humiliate you as would be my wish. It's excruciatingly frustrating. But when you come near me, your eyes piercing me, your musky scent blending with mine and with the air heavy with herbal smells, your slender body vibrating with a magic still raw but impressive - when you embrace me an insidious bliss invades me, and you have me in your power.
~* ~* ~
It's the end. I was fired. Someone saw me with you, and reported me to Albus. I shall not see you again. I will rebuild my life elsewhere - assemble a laboratory and sell potions. Albus asked me to continue working for the Order. I have no alternative. If I leave the Death Eaters without Albus's protection, I'm a dead man. I will act this farce until the end.
~* ~* ~
It's you. I'm sure those silver sparks were cast by your wand. I feel your magic near me. You always affect me physically. You're in the Forbidden Forest. I turn my Firebolt in your direction. The sun is setting. I hope no one can see me, but if they do, sod them. It's they who need me now, not the other way around. My Fate was sealed from the beginning.
Another shower of silver sparks rises up. Now I'm very near.
My heart is beating fast. There you are... in a white robe. My God, you look handsome in white, Severus. If only you knew!
I point my broom downwards and land beside you. I set my Firebolt on the ground and you're already hugging me, your hands roaming all over my body. I press my hips against yours.
The way you say my name is enough to electrify me. You press me against a tree, bite my neck, my chin and my lips. I feel the muscles in your arms, then run my hands down the side of your body, stopping just above your hips. We have never crossed certain limits. But I want it. Now, more than ever. After a month away from you, believing I'd never see you again, I want you more than ever. "Severus... why did you take so long?"
You shake your head, a mad glow in your eyes. I know. I too almost went mad. I too thought that I'd never see you again. You throw me on the grass. A frog leaps aside and a bunch of fairies fly around us, upset by the commotion we're making, but you don't even seem to notice them. It's nice here; we're surrounded by the scent of the crushed grass and the earth beneath us; the soft wind strokes our skin. Above us, the stars are glittering, but... now there's only us. And that's how it has to be.
You grab my robes and tear them off my body violently. We're lying face to face; your hands slide down my back. You pull my hips against yours. I feel a strong heat coming from your skin. You kiss me and map my body with your hands.
You stop, take off my glasses and lay them on the ground at a safe distance from us. The crickets are chirping. You search for my eyes, and the strength of your desire burns me.
"Harry," you murmur, and a shiver runs through my spine. You lick and kiss and bite me all over. "You are mine. I'm going to carve my mark on your whole body, inch by inch."
Yes, Severus, mark me. Make me yours. You take off my briefs, pulling my hard cock out. I try to fit it between your thighs. You move away from me, and I whimper, but you move your face downwards slowly, and suddenly I feel your hot mouth closing over my cock. I bite my lips to stop myself shouting in pleasure.
You slide your lips from tip to bottom, sucking me, savouring me. I move my hands down to your hair and clutch at it helplessly as waves of sensual delight pass through my body. I close my eyes, suck in my breath and moan as your tongue swirls over the head of my cock.
Suddenly you pull away, and I open my eyes. You're madly ripping off your own robes. So different from your habitual cold, composed attitude... There is a touch of despair and insanity in your gestures. The moonlight bathes your chest. I marvel at your naked body. You might not be beautiful, but your muscles are strong and well defined. You open a phial and spread slimy, colourless oil on your fingers.
You climb on top of me again and capture my lips in a rough kiss. As our tongues entwine, your agile fingers work their way up to my balls and massage the sensitive spot below. My body jerks upwards. Your finger slides inside me, and my entire body tenses for a second. "It hurts."
Your face contorts with a strange emotion, but your finger continues its motion, in and out my hole. My cock is now hard and aching.
"I know," you say, inserting a second finger.
And I know you're not going to sweeten the pill for me. You never did. If I wanted a gentle lover, I wouldn't be here now.
But... oh, Merlin... your fingers are touching a magic place... So that's how it is: the stars inside me shine brighter than the ones above us. I want you in me, Severus.
You remove your fingers. I feel empty, but you're already smearing lube on your hard cock. I want it inside me; I don't mind the pain. You put my legs on your shoulders. You look like a god, strong and powerful, looming above me, ready to take me. Your expression is almost calm now. No, not calm, but focused. Maybe resigned, but that's a strange word to think about at such a moment.
I try to concentrate on opening to you, and you enter me with a hoarse moan, ripping me inside. I grip you tightly and you pull me towards you.
"Push towards me. It will be less painful."
I do as you say. Pain begins to change into pleasure, gradually. You push the barriers of my mind, and I push yours. I don't know who I am any more; I'm only a pulsating mass of sheer sensation, of lust and pleasure, pleasure and lust. "Oh, Severus. More."
"Fuck, Harry," you growl, your face mirroring my feelings exactly. I need a rough, hard, wild fuck. I need your violence. You part my thighs to delve deeper, and touch me right there, hitting that point that makes me lose control and steals any coherent thought from my head. Once, twice, three times and I'm thrown into a vortex of unbelievable pleasure.
I think I fainted for a few seconds. Returning to earth, I see you falling over me, panting, your hot semen filling me inside. I wrap my arms around you and pull you towards me.
You lift your face and stare at me, looking concerned. "Are you all right?"
"I didn't mean it to be so violent."
"It was perfect. Don't worry. I'm more like you than you think."
You move to lie beside me, and brush my hair away from my face tenderly. "You are strange, Harry Potter."
As if I didn't know. "Did you come tonight... for any special reason?" I ask, with an ominous feeling.
"No matter what happens, Harry, don't lose your hopes. Ever."
I clutch you even tighter, as if I could keep you forever with me.
~* ~* ~
Today you killed with a fury I haven't seen even in the meanest killers. You surprised me.
You controlled our warriors with your wand like a conductor with his baton. A wave of your wand electrified them. You climbed walls, destroyed citadels, dodged and deflected hexes, cast devastating spells against the enemy. I saw you exploding a bridge crowded with Death Eaters; I saw you pushing one of them over the cliff without a blink.
More than a score of times I believed you had been killed, but you always emerged, audacious and implacable, amidst the bones and skeletons that spread through miles and miles over the ground. Crows and buzzards were already gathering, circling the battlefield, but you were insatiable. Your spells whipped the enemy mercilessly, tirelessly.
You would fly and spring upon them, foaming and howling like a wild beast. Maddened with terror, they would rear and climb on top of one another, and you would leave them contorting in pain, their bodies stretched out on the ground with blood gushing from their wounds and their bowels protruding.
The Dark Lord didn't stand a chance against your rage.
Now it's over. We have just fought our last battle. We are in the middle of the battlefield, alone. Around us, nothing but corpses and devastation. You tremble in my arms, and I hold you against my heart. I know you will writhe in convulsions all the night long. I have been through this countless times: it's one of the effects of the dark spells. I myself am drained, but I have to keep awake. I know you will need me.
Many people died tonight, on both sides. I confess I don't mourn any of them. You are everything that matters to me.
"Let's go away from here, Severus."
"Where do you want to go?"
"It doesn't matter where! It doesn't matter where! As long as it's out of this world!"*
Then I remember the only place where I belong, where I feel peace, and join my mind to yours. You relax in my arms, and an impossible smile lightens your face.
*Note: The title of this story and this line are quotes from Baudelaire's poem "Any Where Out of the World".
Ptyx, May 2005